talking with HIM

MYSELF- a character one should not tangle with for fear of insanity. Is holding newspaper
HIM-      the physical representation on Myself's mind. Wears "badboy" clothes, and a perpetual smile, can be multiple people, can be multiple people on stage at the same time
NURSE

MYSELF enters stage right, a smile playing his lips. He probably just enjoyed a day in town or with family. He sits on a bench in down stage, center. Opens newspaper
HIM enters stage left, sitting defiantly and absolutely on the bench. He leans back, adjust sunglasses.
HIM1: well hello there…
HIM gives small chuckle
HIM1: stranger
MYSELF: hello…?
HIM removes sunglasses and looks at MYSELF in surprise
HIM1: you don't know who I am, do you?
MYELF shakes head
MYSELF: no, should I?
MYSELF puts away newspaper
HIM gives another small chuckle
HIM1: well… I am… YOU! I mean, at least you should familiarize yourself with you if you want to get anywhere!
MYSELF looks off stage right, mutters under breath
MYSELF: this guy is // insane
HIM1: // awesome? Yes I // am!
MYSELF: // and a megalomaniac
HIM1: that's a big word for someone who single handedly brought down the average state wide SAT point by a full four points!
MYSELF: they gave the points back when I was diagnosed!
HIM1: yah, yah, schizophrenia and whatever the doctor was a fraud anyway.
MYSELF: exactly!
HIM1: and those bus rides to find your father?
MYSELF: what about them?!
HIM1: well… besides the fact that the bus didn't have wheels…
MYSELF: not true! Just ask my mom! She was with me!
HIM1: and now she is in a mental ward
MYSELF: leave her out of this!
HIM1: and besides, what do clocks have to do with this anyway?
MYSELF gives blank, almost droll stare
HIM1: what?
MYSELF: what was that with the clocks?
HIM1: I didn't say anything about clocks…
MYSELF: yes you did!
HIM1: no, but polar bears like sledding on clocks
MYSELF: you did it again!
HIM1: what?! ICECREAM HAS BONES!
MYSELF looks torn
MYSELF: I must be dreaming… I must be… ill wake up… not again…
HIM1 stands, backing away, muttering nonsense
HIM2 enters stage left
HIM3 enters stage right, HIM4 on his back
HIM1: but were there ice cream, the light house // would be gone!
HIM2: //light houses! It's a known fact, penguins can't run light houses
HIM4: onward steed!
HIM3 neighs and gallops around and around MYSELf, HIM4 yelling loud insults, but says them quietly as HIM1 and HIM2 argue
MYSELF curls into ball
MYSELF: this is not happening
HIM1 and HIM2 join both hands to face each other, cheat out to audience
HIM1: but if a penguin is fat // then so is the bathtub
HIM2: //fat!? How dare you call a lady fat!//
HIM1: but when the fat lady sings// it gives you an opportunity to toss the dynamite//!
HIM2: // singing?! Singing wildebeests // BOOM!
MYSELF: YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!!
All HIMs pause, even HIM3 in mid gallop, looking at him then act as if nothing's happened
HIM1: crazy? I was crazy once…
HIM2: they put you in a little jacket
HIM1: right! I gave myself so many good hugs!
HIM2: hugs are good! It helped in that tiny hole…
HIM1: that hole they tossed me in
HIM2: there were worms
HIM1 looks at ground startled
HIM2: there are no worms here, don't worry… but worms… gosh, they drive me crazy!
HIM1: crazy? I was crazy once…
HIM1 and HIM2 separate and back away from each other repeating the "Crazy?" lines, HIM3's passes around MYSELF getting larger, HIM4 still yelling insults, insults getting fainter as he disappears off stage, HIM1 and 2 disappears off stage
NURSE enters stage right
NURSE: oh dear, what are you doing out here? You'll freeze! Here, let's get you back inside, they really must put locks on the insanity ward, honestly.
NURSE and MYSELF exit stage right